I Stayed in a Toxic Relationship Because I Thought No One Else Would Want Me 💔
The Next Chapter Newsletter
If you’ve ever settled for less than you deserved because you didn’t think you had better options… same, girl. Same.
I used to believe that love was something I had to earn. That if I just tried hard enough—was good enough, pretty enough, small enough—someone would finally decide I was worthy. That mindset led me straight into the arms of a man who treated me like I was disposable. And I let him. Not because I didn’t know any better, but because I didn’t believe I was better.
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When Your Self-Worth is Tied to a Number
I spent years convinced that my body was a problem that needed to be solved. Diet culture had me out here thinking my worth was measured in pounds lost, that confidence was reserved for a future version of myself who had finally “fixed” everything wrong with her.
And dating? Oh, that was a whole other battlefield. Society loves to feed us this lie that only certain bodies are worthy of love. I believed it. So when a man showed interest in me—even if he was a walking red flag—I clung to it like a lifeline.
That’s how I ended up in a toxic relationship that lasted way longer than it should have. He cheated. He lied. He made me feel like I was lucky to have him, as if I should be grateful he wanted me at all. And I believed it, because deep down, I was terrified no one else would.
The Breaking Point
If you’ve ever tried to shrink yourself—literally or figuratively—to fit into a love that’s hurting you, you know how exhausting it is. You twist yourself into knots, walk on eggshells, and keep convincing yourself that maybe if I just change a little more, he’ll love me the way I deserve.
But love isn’t supposed to make you feel less than. It’s not supposed to feel like a performance where you’re hoping to get picked.
My breaking point didn’t come in some dramatic, movie-worthy moment. It wasn’t a big betrayal or an explosive argument. It was a quiet realization—standing in front of a mirror, staring at a body I had spent years hating—and thinking, What if I’m not the problem?
What if I didn’t need to lose weight to be worthy? What if love wasn’t something I had to prove myself worthy of in the first place?
That thought cracked something open in me. And once I started seeing myself differently, I couldn’t unsee it.
Choosing Myself—for the First Time
Leaving wasn’t easy. When you’ve spent so much time believing you don’t deserve better, it’s scary to walk away from what’s familiar. But I did. And for the first time in my life, I started working on loving me—not a future, smaller, “better” version of me. Just me.
And let me tell you—when you finally embrace yourself as you are, it changes everything. You stop settling. You stop making excuses for people who treat you like an afterthought. You start realizing that love—real love—doesn’t require you to shrink yourself.
And the wildest part? Once I stopped treating myself like a backup plan, I attracted the kind of love I never thought was possible. The kind that saw me—fully, completely—and loved me without conditions.
What I Want You to Know
If you’re in a place right now where you don’t feel good enough, where you’re holding onto a relationship that’s breaking you because you’re afraid no one else will want you, please listen to me.
You are not a backup option. You are not an “only if.” You are not someone’s last resort.
The right person will not ask you to become less in order to be loved more.
And that right person? It starts with you.
So if you’re waiting for permission to let go of a love that’s hurting you, consider this it. If you’re waiting to love yourself until you reach some imaginary finish line, stop waiting. Because you are enough right now. As you are. Period.
And if you need a reminder, I’ll be here. Writing stories that prove love doesn’t just belong to the people who have it all figured out—it belongs to the ones who are still learning to believe they deserve it.
With love and second chances,
Kimberly R. Vargas