Some of Y’all Setting Yourselves on Fire for People Who Will Never Clap ❤️

🔥 Validation feels good—until it costs you everything.

For years, I was obsessed with validation.

And when I say obsessed, I mean it. I wanted to be taken seriously as a writer. I wanted to see my name on a bookshelf, to hear that I had what it took. So I did what everyone said was the “right” way to make it—I chased traditional publishing.

I spent countless nights staring at my computer screen, my eyes burning as I polished my manuscripts, tweaking every sentence until it was just right. I poured my heart into my query letters, pitching my stories to agents who probably didn’t even remember my name. I lost sleep. I skipped meals. I edited, rewrote, and edited again, sacrificing my time and energy just for a shot at that elusive “yes.”

I was determined not to be a “wannabe” writer. I wanted to be seen as legitimate. I wanted someone—anyone in the industry—to say, “Yes, you have what it takes.”

When my first manuscript got rejected so many times that I finally shelved it, I didn’t give up. I wrote another one. And I worked even harder this time—an entire summer spent revising, followed by five weeks of relentless querying. And then, I landed my dream agent.

I should have felt on top of the world. And for a moment, I did.

But the joy was short-lived.

I still doubted my abilities. Even with an agent, I couldn’t shake the feeling that my success was a fluke—that somehow, I’d fooled someone into believing in me. Despite all my effort, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough.

Because validation that comes from someone else’s approval is a drug with a short high.

And that’s the problem with chasing validation—it’s never enough. Even with an agent, even with someone else’s belief in me, I didn’t believe in myself.

I remember the day the reality set in—I was on sub. I’d had light revisions with my agent, and was knocking on the door of the Big Five (or is it Four now?). I was waiting on the next step, still hungry for my agent’s approval, still desperate to be seen as “good enough.” But no matter how many people clapped for me, it would never be enough if I didn’t learn to clap for myself.

So I walked away.

I chose the path of indie publishing. It was different. It was risky. But it was mine. For the first time, I wasn’t waiting for someone else to tell me I was worthy. I decided for myself.

And that’s why I wrote The Dance. A story about a woman who, like me, spent so much of her life chasing someone else’s approval—until she found her own.

I’m proud of the stories I tell, not because someone else said I should be, but because I’ve learned to clap for myself.

And sis, if you’re tired of setting yourself on fire for people who won’t even feel the heat? Maybe it’s time to stand tall, save your energy, and start clapping for yourself, too.

Because some of y’all are out here doing backflips—bending over backwards, setting yourselves on fire—just to impress people who won’t even notice. They won’t clap. They won’t care. And they won’t change.

Stop wasting your energy on people who will never value you.

Value yourself instead.

With love,
Kimberly R. Vargas
Romance Author | Storyteller of Second Chances

The Next Chapter™ | © 2025 Kimberly R. Vargas. All rights reserved.

A platform for soulful romance, second chances, and emotionally rich storytelling by Kimberly R. Vargas.

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